A list of “Cursed Child” questions from a concerned fan (Spoilers!)

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It’s been a little over two months since Harry Potter and The Cursed Child was released, and now it’s time to have a little chit chat. I’ve sat and pondered on this book and have done my best to be patient and spoiler free, but the time has come. And I have lots of questions.

The Cursed Child, without a doubt, gave us a closer look at life after the Battle of Hogwarts. We get to see the trio tackle adulthood in a “normal” world. Hermione is the Minister for Magic because who else can we possibly trust with that much responsibility. McGonagall is Headmistress of Hogwarts aka she is mom of everyone, so not much has changed. Neville is teaching herbology. The gillyweed was such a success in the Triwizard Tournament that there was no going back. Their children are all batshit crazy. Everything makes sense.

Except for this following list of questions, which I demand be answered by J.K.Rowling immediately on Twitter or Pottermore, or most preferably, in person at a steak dinner where we both cry about how Snape was a beautiful, sad butterfly who just needed some help.

Ahem.

Question 1: Where is George Weasley?

Ron Weasley now runs Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes along with being a bit of a stay-at-home dad. This is a beautiful concept for our fun, loyal as a golden retriever BFF, but where is George? Was the pain of thinking about what he and Fred created together too much? Does he still help but just not run the enterprise? IS HE DEAD? He’s not because that would be illegal based on the 8th amendment (cruel and unusual punishment, for you non U.S.A.-ers.)

Question 2: Where is Teddy Lupin?

Granted there’s a bit of an age difference between Teddy and the rest of the children, but after what his parents’ suffered in The Deathly Hallows, isn’t it only fair that he at least get a mention? How was his time at Hogwarts? What mischief did he cause with his metamorphmagus powers? Did he like Hufflepuff? Do he and Victoire Weasley (Bill and Fleur’s part-veela daughter) get married? Help?

Question 3: Speaking of missing characters, where are Sirius and Lupin? Neville? Luna? Hello?

Rowling and her co-writers afford us the opportunity to reconnect with a few unexpected characters, mainly Snape and Dumbledore. Through portrait and time turner activities, we get to reconnect with two of the best characters in the series, and this may be because these figureheads are the namesakes of Albus. However, if we’re going to travel back in time, you best get the whole gang back together, right? Give me every single person. Every. Single. One.

Question 4: Why don’t we see Snape or Sirius entering Potter Cottage in Godric’s Hollow?

Our main characters must suffer the heartbreaking event of having to watch Lord Voldemort enter Harry’s home and kill his parents. It is at the very least, one of the most saddening things I have ever had to read. However, why would Harry not take the time to look for Snape or Sirius if he knew they’d be there? One must think that Harry would be longing to see them as well. Poppycock, I say! Absolutely poppycock!

Question 5: Why was Rodolphus Lestrange released from Azkaban?

If he escaped the first time, and they had to put him back in for a second after the second wizarding wars, oh I don’t know, maybe he doesn’t belong out in the open. God, what if he did something bad like, hmm, find the daughter of Lord Voldemort and his dead wife to teach her of her parentage? (Gross.)

Question 6: Let’s talk about this daughter. That’s not a question, because I can’t think of just one.

Okay, so according to plot, Bellatrix escapes Azkaban in Order of the Phoenix. She is not observably pregnant when she kills Sirius Black, but you never know. She has the child at Malfoy Manor, so it’s plausible she’s staying there in Half-Blood Prince because she is in cahoots with Draco to kill Dumbledore. So, at some point during the 5th and 7th books, she has to have this child. But if Voldemort was born of a love potion and doesn’t have emotions, did he pity-sleep with Bellatrix because she’s a sociopath in love with a murderer? How would he feel about having a child? Does he even know about her? Hugging Draco is the closest thing he shows to affection besides his feelings for his snake. Did he ever have girlfriends during his time at Hogwarts? Also, what has Delphi been doing the past 19 years? She was raised by the Rowles, but how long did it take Rodolphus to find her? And what did she do after that? How did she spread word or get people to believe her parentage? How many people knew about her existence?

I just need a really detailed backstory, okay Jo?

Question 7: How does Cedric being embarrassed in the Triwizard Tournament lead to him murdering Neville Longbottom?

Cedric Diggory is a Hufflepuff, people. That means he’s one of the good ones. So, sure, maybe embarrassing yourself in front of not one school, but three, is a little scarring. But how on earth does that carve the pathway for becoming a death eater and murdering Neville Longbottom of all people? I imagine it would be by force. There’s no way Cedric, especially with the guidance of his father, would become a death eater by choice. I won’t believe it. You know what Joe Biden would call this? MALARKEY.

I have a thousand more questions that I want answered immediately and in such detail that I might as well be reading another three books. Have any possible answers? Send them my way or help me bug J.K. Rowling on the internet until she blocks me.

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