‘Scream Queens’: Beware of Young Girls recap

After the LONGEST week like ever, Scream Queens returns for its 7th episode, “Beware of Young Girls,” a nod to the song Dean Munsch twirls to at the end of the episode because she is a sociopath. But more on that in a second.

This week’s episode begins with the funeral for slightly forgotten Chanel #2, aka Ariana Grande, who has been too busy making music videos to be dead on this show. Chanel gives a moving eulogy on how Chanel #2 was a sneaky backstabber and how she, in the end, deserved death for “rubbing uglies” with Chad. Foreshadowing for every single person Chad has slept with? Maybe. Probably. I don’t know.

The other Chanels convince the main Chanel that she needs to find peace with Chanel #2, so they do what any idiot in a horror movie does and consult a Ouija board, except it’s not a fake one from Target. It’s a real one with demons carved on it. Chanel #2 tells the girls that Chad is cheating on Chanel — he’s just milking goats though, so it’s fine (and that’s not a euphemism.)

Meanwhile, resident psycho Gigi is consulting with her Red Devil accomplices on how she’s sick of people being alive, but also sick of having to cover up evidence of everyone that’s dead. The person she wanted killed last week is still not dead and that’s totally ruining her evil plot for revenge that has apparently been in the works for some time. Wes arrives as the end of the conversation and is apparently not in the know. Perhaps we can check him off our suspect list.

Gigi later goes shopping with Grace and gives her a tip to check out Feather McCarthy, Dean Munsch’s ex-husband’s mistress. She claims that Dean Munsch went a little bananas after her husband left her for a student, also a Kappa, and tried to electrocute her by pushing a transistor radio into her bathtub. Not to mention she followed her around and dressed like her. But it’s fine.

After talking to Grace and Pete, Feather arrives home to her dismembered husband and Dean Munsch is arrested and taken to a mental institution. She requests a visit from Grace and Pete, whom she offers to give baby drama info to if they look into Feather, who she claims killed her own husband. As it turns out, Dean Munsch framed Feather by scrubbing a bologna sandwich, left at the scene of the crime, with Feather’s toothbrush. She had the opportunity to kill because the other murders helped lead the connection away from her.

In other news, the Chanels plan to murder Chanel after Chanel #2 communicates to them through the board that she is the killer. Hester spearheads the movement, which doesn’t come as much of a surprise because hey, every town has at least six sociopaths otherwise it’s not quality television. Chanel escapes death though when Chanel #2, who has been busy in Hell getting motor boated by Hitler and picking crumbs out of terrorists’ beards, comes to her in a laxative-fueled dream. Together, the Chanels plan to take down Zayday and Grace who they now believe to be the killers.

Next week’s preview offers a look at baby talk between Grace and Dean Munsch, Denise still pushing for the arrest of Zayday, Nick Jonas in a very long beard and Wes getting suspicious of his own daughter. The episode is to be called “Mommy Dearest,” so I’m expecting the best/worst.

After this week, I’m still not entirely convinced that Dean Munsch is innocent. I’m still not entirely convinced of anything.

Pete and Grace have a lot of evidence that point to the Dean and she’s clearly capable of the unbelievable, but maybe she really only murdered her husband out of bitterness.

Gigi seems to be very close to whomever she’s working with, but the connection is still missing. And who does she want dead? Pete, Wes, Chad? Wes seems to be more innocent than suspicious lighting and playlists have made him. And Pete’s been causing the most problems for the killer, so does that also make him innocent?

Chanel has been incredible at shifting the blame from one sister to the next. This could be a defense tactic or a strategic plan. Her clearly overwhelming love for the people around her makes it easy to think she could still be involved.

Zayday is often MIA in these episodes. WHERE IS SHE?

Denise has been suspiciously absent as well. I’d like to believe that famous people like Niecy Nash have other projects they’re working on that cause their lack of screen time, but I don’t know enough about being famous to support that claim.

Hester is definitely at the top of the suspect list. She’s been plotting the downfall of Chanel for some time now, but is this out of her own willingness to rule Kappa and be popular, or a small part of a bigger plan?

Chanel believes Grace has a hand in the issues surrounding Kappa. I find it hard to believe that Grace would put this much effort into investigating a criminal extravaganza if she were involved, but she does present an over-the-top interest…

The Dean ends the episode saying “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” Gigi has already admitted that she’s hell-bent on revenge. Now we just need to figure out why.