The definitive list of the best horses in gaming history

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I am a horse girl of the subtle variety nowadays. But you better believe that in my heyday (or should it be hay-day) I was the whole thing: Braces, a middle part and I faithfully quoted my horse encyclopedia to all the ignorant middle schoolers. I had horse wallpaper and green horse curtains.

It was a wonderful time.

I never had my own horse, however. They are expensive. So like any true child of my generation, I turned to my virtual options. (I also rode stuffed animal horses around the house until an embarrassingly late age. Like, 14.)

Using the memories of the deep relationships I had with my video game steeds and my expansive knowledge of the horse world, here is my definitive list of the best video game horses ever of all time in the universe.

6. The little horses in Sid Meier’s Civilization III

These little guys are just bland pawns in your quest to take over the world by the continuous subjugation of your neighbors, but they’re still pretty stinkin’ cute. It just makes me so happy when a pod of my troops gallop off on their little clone horses to conquer the next city or raid the neigh-borhood camp of barbarians.

5. Yoshi

Yes, I know what you’re thinking, and I don’t care. Poor Yoshi is basically a horse with cool sneakers. He lugs Mario around countless games and still manages to make cute noises and jump ridiculously high.

yoshis_woolly_world_amiibo

Yoshi’s Woolly World was announced at E3. It’ll release Oct. 16. | Image courtesy of Nintendo of America

He’s also getting a new game soon. With wool! How adorable is that?

4. Rapidash

Flaming unicorn that fights until it becomes unconscious. What else do you need?

P.S. — If you kept Fire Spin in your arsenal of moves, you’re wrong. There’s no debating this.

3. The grey horse in Barbie Riding Club

I never liked actual Barbies, but I loved this video game to death. As a Horse Girl who so desperately wanted a pony of her own, this game gave me the whole deal. The horses aren’t trained in combat or anything, but you get to groom, feed and bathe your friend – all in the glory of late 90s PC graphics. It’s the closest a little girl can get to owning their very own pony. The premise of the game is basically to ride your horse around and explore and stuff. There are some missions like finding the area Majestic Wild Horse that Nobody Can Tame and taking pictures of flowers, but the best part is just running around and feeding your new best friend fresh apples right off the trees.

2. Shadowmere

Shadowmere is ugly and doesn’t have a great personality, but it can sure beat the hay out of your common enemies. The best part about riding Shadowmere is that it’s pretty comparable to riding a horse in real life. It has comparable gaits and jumping abilities to a real horse, though Shadowmere has an admirable tolerance for jumping/falling off of the high cliffs of Skyrim.

1. Epona

There was no other way this could end. | Image courtesy of Zeldapedia

There was no other way this could end. | Image courtesy of Zeldapedia

Duh. There is no other virtual horse with whom I would have rather spent hours idly galloping around Hyrule. I must have done that jumping challenge on Lon Lon Ranch in Ocarina of Time at least one hundred times. Just for giggles. Even when Link gets his own four feet as a fancy, ear-ringed wolf in Twilight Princess, nothing beats Epona’s friendship. She’s golden and fearless and comes at the call of a dope song. Riding your best friend is so much better than somersaulting everywhere.

Honorable mentions: The horse in Harvest Moon and whatever horse-like creatures these are. Thank you, Japan.

 

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